1-4-21 | My Job

In my fetal heart echo today, the sonographer alerted me of our son’s heart rate. When he quickly realized I didn’t know what he meant, he replied “Oh, some moms want to know everything and track everything.” As to which I quickly rebutted:

“Well, I don’t know enough about the medical world. I am sure I will need to one day, but in the meanwhile, as of right now, I feel my job is just to love this baby.”

My job is to love.

My job is to love.

My job is to love.

What an epiphany!

I am not working right now: that’s not by a coincidence. When CJ comes into this world, it will be HARD. Painstakingly brutal to see a 5 day old newborn on a ventilator, morphine drip, feeding tube and I won’t be able to hold him. I can’t fathom it. I can’t imagine it! And yet, somehow I am forced to envision it.

But you know what: in all of it my job is to love.

I will love CJ fiercely. And then I will come home and I will love my sweet Teddy abundantly. It’s all I want to do in this next season.

I know, I know, I know I can’t do it on my own. It will take bravery, courage, strength to tap into the deep well of Love daily. But I also know I will only be able to do my job — to love — because Love loved me first.