1–10-21 | The Miracle

I’m really struggling with this idea of a miracle for CJ. The miracles we read about in scripture are incredible — Jesus has the healing power to do anything. I’ve had that childlike faith for so long.

And yet, in this scenario, I’m afraid to have that faith. If I believe so much it will happen, what happens when it doesn’t? I definitely don’t want to resent God — I don’t have time or energy for that. No, it’s easier to just agree with doctors that at this point in CJ’s development, the structures of the heart have already formed and there is no “growing new parts”.

I don’t think this means we can’t see miracles though! Just maybe they look different.

A friend from college reached out to share her daughter also was diagnosed with HLHS. I asked her how she handled miracle prayers. Her answer has stuck with me for days:

Sometimes the miracle is the strength and the ability to survive it all.

It’s how I feel most days when I have to think about what is to come. I know it’s going to be a whirlwind, so I don’t like to think about it, but when I do, it’s devastating. It does feel like the miracle will be to get to the other side — whether CJ fairs well or not — it will be a triumph that we did it and came out together.

I’m not sure I’ll start praying for a miracle for my CJ. But I daily ask God to let him live — and at this point, that is the miracle.