12.18.20 | My Companions

I am sitting in an aquatic arena, enjoying a dolphin show. The dolphin trainer/MC announces that a lovable sea animal is going to come up and greet every audience member! How exciting! When I see my animal moving up the stadium with a big tidal wave from the gigantic pool, I begin to panic.

It’s a hippopotamus with a mouth open wide, showing it’s alligator teeth, ready to swallow me whole.

I shake myself awake. Here it is again, another death dream. Is this the fifth, eighth, tenth? I can’t keep track I’ve had so many these last few weeks.

If dreams are a window into the soul, I guess it’s my subconscious screaming out for help.

The truth is, the last two weeks have been a mental rollercoaster. I’m okay with saying I haven’t been okay because things are not okay.

As I get closer and closer to the due date, fear is rearing it’s ugly head. Fear of Covid, fear of unknowns, fear of money, fear of death.

Fear is trying to become a companion of mine. I feel him encroaching into a space I haven’t invited him into. It is uncomfortable. It brings out the worst of me. And it leaves no room for my greatest friends, Hope and Love.

So, if you’re reading this, will you stand with me in believing that those dreams will subside? That fear will not even have a chance to knock on my door. And for Hope and Love to continue to be ever present with me? Because this I know, Love conquers all.

--

--

--

Wife to Cort. Mama to two boys. One with HLHS. Welcome into our journey of heart and hope.

Love podcasts or audiobooks? Learn on the go with our new app.

Recommended from Medium

I lost myself in the darkness of grief

Mindin

You Hold The Grudge

The floating soul

Her Name?

Break of Dawn

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store
Kasey Carmona

Kasey Carmona

Wife to Cort. Mama to two boys. One with HLHS. Welcome into our journey of heart and hope.

More from Medium

On Juvia “Stalking” Gray

Buy Google 5 Star Reviews Real Legit And Permanent Profile

Top tips on a good night’s sleep!